This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
