Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
