i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
