i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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