I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were trust falling into bushes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
