just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
