Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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