TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
