i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
