Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
