Cold hands, warm shart.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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