I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
