I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
