Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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