Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
