eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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