I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
