In the future we'll all be gay
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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