lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
