What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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