You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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