I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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