Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
