Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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