The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize