It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need a beard to bite.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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