it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
