The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish you could order shots online.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
