All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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