y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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