If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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