Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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