what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
