Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
