"it" just moved
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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