He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just google imaged poop.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
