"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
