my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
