Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want her autograph on my taint
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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