Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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