i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
