if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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