i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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