You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize