Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
