im about as happy as oj after his trial
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
