Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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