She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
