Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
