i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
