i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
nutella sex= disaster
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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