he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
