The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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