She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
