it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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