I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why do cheetos always look like penises
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He shit in the fireplace
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
