Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
