I hate your face
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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