We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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