so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
