So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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