i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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