they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
