ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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