I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize