Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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