A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Will you blow on my dice?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
