I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
