i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
