we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
