Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.