I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.