so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.