we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
