i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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